Men Say YES

‘Men say no’ was the theme that was assigned to this blogathon.

I disagree! I will write about Men saying YES. Hold your horses, people; I don’t want anyone to say yes to domestic violence or anything of that sort. Confused? Read on.

In many households, whether urban or rural, women work. This work may be a necessity to earn their living, to supplement the household income or a choice to fill up their free time, a hobby or a passion that they wish to pursue outside the boundaries of the kitchen. Whatever the reason, many women work and are largely financially independent. They have a professional and social standing apart from being Mrs. So-n-so. Despite this social standing, however, there is one significant thing that is lacking: acceptance of this standing by their own husbands, in-laws, sometimes even their own families.

So what it boils down to is this: women not only face the proverbial glass ceiling at work, they also have to fight for acceptance by their own family. Many of these women, despite contributing to the family income, have little or no call in making financial decisions like investments or big purchases. Many of these women did not own a credit card until recently. Their technology too was usually ‘hand-me-down’ things from husbands or kids. It customarily is not the woman of the house that makes the final call in times of social or financial crises. And heaven forbid if the woman started to earn more than the man!!! What an injustice! A travesty! A reversal of the laws of Nature! “Thunderstrike and lightening please!”

Looking at the arranged marriage ‘market’, girls who are teachers or work ‘non-demanding’ jobs are highly sought after. The reason is simple. These girls can work, contribute to the family income but can still be relied upon to take care of the home n hearth. So in short, these girls represent the ‘best of both worlds’- independent enough but still connected by an umbilical cord to the home.

We as a country don’t take our working women seriously. We think of our women as cheap labour, not only paid less for the same amount of work but also not given credit where and when it is due.

Since cinema is a mirror of society, I will pull out two cases from the huge hit ‘Chak De India!’. The cases of captain Vidya Sharma and centre forward Preeti Sabharwal.

Vidya is not only the goalkeeper for the Indian Railways team; she has also been provided a government flat and a cushy job. She lands a place in the Indian National team as goalkeeper and later as captain, on her way to lead the Indian National team at the World Cup. Her in-laws and husband, however, remain unimpressed and are more concerned with her being able to fulfill her role as a dutiful daughter-in-law rather than her form and practice for the World Cup. Notwithstanding Vidya’s merits, they are almost ready to break off the marriage if she does not show up in time for a distant relative’s wedding. Clearly, household duties must take precedence over work and duty to the nation!

Preeti Sabharwal is the captain of the Chandigarh state team, plays centre forward (a very significant position, for those not clued in) for the Indian National Hockey Team and plays very well I might add. She is from a more urban setting with her parents obviously being well off. She is engaged to the Vice Captain of the Indian Cricket team. Still, to him, it is of no consequence that Preeti is ready to go to the World Cup. For him, their wedding is more important. He does not see the significance of Preeti’s job or her passion for it at any time. According to him, her ‘true’ destiny lies in becoming his wife! Her own identity is secondary.

Both cases are fictional, coming from a movie. But that does not in any way undermine the sad truth that lurks behind both of them. Women, no matter how successful or accomplished, are somehow programmed to sacrifice their careers and ambitions for the sake of their husband’s career or ego or both. Another important point highlighted from the cases is that this mindset is not of the illiterate, less educated, lower middle class or upper middle class. It spans society as a whole, cutting across the class or education barriers.

These, of course, are big important scenarios. Talking about simple things like driving on the road. Being a woman driver on a Delhi road makes the harrowing experience all the more taxing. The men simple adore playing truant around a woman driver. They just have to overtake from the wrong side, just have to pass comments, and just have to show her that she does not belong in the driver’s seat.

So while the men are not physically hurting the women in these scenarios, and there are no scars, beatings or bruises involved, the hurt is deeper and transcends generations. Male children are ingrained with the philosophy that they hold a more significant place in society than their sisters, that their arrival in the world is a greater cause for celebration than their sisters’ was.

It is now time for the men to break the mindset and accept that they are in no way the superior sex. They are a half of God’s best creation. The other half is equally important. It is only when the halves stand together that they make up the whole. In this blog, I am not arguing as a feminist or a chauvinist. I have no time for any of the ‘ists’ of the world. I only believe in the human race. I only believe in ‘humanists’. I plead the sanctity of the human race as a whole. And it is this that I want people to consider.

So then I ask the men to step up and say YES.

YES to equal pay for equal work

YES to empowered women

YES to sharing household responsibilities equally

YES to women drivers, engineers, pilots and bankers or any other careers for that matter

YES to learning some sportsman spirit and giving up this game of one-upmanship that is being played continuously

So let’s get the men to man up and accept that their masculinity is not threatened by a capable and intelligent woman. Let the men say YES to marriage as a symbiotic relationship and not a parasitic one.

This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women.

More entries to the Blogathon can be read at www.mustbol.in/blogathon. Join further conversation on facebook.com/delhiyouth & twitter.com/mustbol

Just Another Day

I close the book on a phase tonight

I can't call it a night

Though the moon has set already

And the sun knocks on the door,

I can't call it a night.

The one I love is here

He does not know I love him

He does not know what to call me

He does not even know I am here

He does not know I exist.

He sees me from the corner of his eye

It searches for someone else,

I just happen to be

A part of the view.

He looks, he talks

I look on

mesmerised.......

He wants to step in Plato's shoes.

He looks into my eyes,

Platonic, he says.

Something dies inside me

But I don't look away

I need, but an excuse to be around him.

The flower of friendship blooms

Our hands nuture it together.

A love takes root in my heart

I nourish it with my soul.

I am here in the big city

Life moves fast here.

I want to join the milling crowds.

I feel that I am left behind,

I feel the world forgot to take me along,

It goes on without me.

He dives into the city head on,

He glows like a star.

The world waits for him,

The world waits on him.

I watch as he shines

I watch him glow

from behind the curtain.

I work behind the curtain,

I enrich

I nourish

But I stay within the shadows.

He glows

He shines

He lights up the night sky

Like a firework.

In his grandeur,

I am but a tiny speck

A fleck of dust

That he brushes away.

I retreat into the shadows

Though I stop not my work.

I see him burn out,

He is but a firework.

He falls to the ground,

He falls with the ashes.

I am here,

The speck of dust.

I am here to pick up the pieces.

He does not want me around

He chooses another

He chose another.

He chose another

To love

He chose another

As his best companion

He chose

Another.

I disconnect

I am going to be strong,

I will leave

And I do.

I am now away.

I don't want him to find me.

But the world knows me now.

I am a new person now.

I thought he would have let go

I thought he would have given up on my soul.

But it is still with him,

Even when he does not know it.

He has crashed on the road of life.

I am here

To pick up the pieces again.

One piece of him draws blood.

I flee

But a piece remains in me.

He comes looking

For the missing piece.

Instead he finds me.

I wish to draw back,

I might get hurt again

But something draws me

Draws me back to where he was standing.

I am now his

He is mine.

The bond is unshakeable

It grows stronger with time.

It is the stuff of angels

The way he loves me

And I love him.

I know it is the stuff of angels.

Destiny is cruel

It snatches me away.

I look upon him

From my home in the sky.

I'd give anything to say

What had reamined unsaid.

Anything to do again

What came undone.

I loved you with all my heart,

Even when you didn'n love me.

I loved you

Even when you scorned me.

I will keep loving you

Even when you stop loving me.

When I look back

You are what I cherish the most.

And though I am away

And it seems like I disconnected

I am still there

In your heart;

Never for once forgetting

It is the abode I treasure the most.

P.S. I speak here as Emma Morley, the leading lady in the movie One Day. Though I saw the movie a while ago, I only got around to writing this today. Emma Morley is one character that I have identified with in a long time. That said, I didn't understand her love for Dexter Mayhew, which is why though this poem expresses Emma, it may not be able to do justice to Emma's love for Dexter.

The happily Never afters

I was watching the Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts starer 'Notting Hill' for the nth time today, after a very long gap I might add. It is one of my favourite romantic comedies of all times.


But when I watched it today, I didn't feel the exhilaration I have felt when I watched it earlier. I realised I had a problem with the ending. That is not how it happens in real life. The guy does not come dashing through the traffic to accept his mistake. In real life, the story ends when Anna (Roberts) leaves the shop after being turned down.


I am not blaming the guys in this piece. Girls are do that equally. What I am blaming are the movies, the songs, the books (some of them). Who can, in the real world, claim to have found true love? The kind that all the songs and movies keep talking about. As in the light headed, floating in the air, rose tinted glasses kind? I think this whole thing can be equated to one particular character- Edward Cullen. He is, by far, the best analogy I could find. Edward is a dream for every woman but he is exactly that- a dream. He does not exist in real life. It is also what can be precisely said of the whole 'true love' phenomenon- it does not exist in real life.



Where have you seen spectacular admissions of love like you have in 'Notting Hill', 'Someone like You' or even 'Jab We Met'? They are just fantasies. I would classify them with something like Star Wars- brilliantly done, excellent creativity BUT does not have an ounce of truth to it. And most people, like the fanboys of Star Wars, believe in the fantasy and hope it is true when it never will be, leading to nothing more than depression in all parties involved.

I am tempted to quote a line from a movie (which is true, for once) 'Love and Other Disasters'- "True love is a conspiracy between the music, film and book industries. Where is it except in books, movies and songs?"

For as I see around myself, it is always a happily Never after all the time.

Its time to bloom

Waking up this morning,
I felt the ray dance on my cheek,
The dew gave me a kiss.
I closed my eyes again
And made a wish.

The snow has melted away,
I have been buried too long,
I opened my eyes
And winked at the sun.

Its been a long winter,
I slept through it.
Its time to wake up now,
Its time to bloom.

The sleep was filled with many nightmares
And many pleasant dreams.
But I want to forget all of them now,
Dreams are, after all, a part of sleep.
They don't last longer than that.

It is now time
Time to bloom,
Time for a new life,
Time to shake off the past
Time to open the eyes towards a new sun.
The time to rise
And shine like the sun.

I bow down
And thank God
For the gift of life
And the gifts of love
That I receive from all around.
I thank Him for every little thing
That I have been blessed with.

I dont want
To be stuck in the past,
I have to clear out
All of it
That still remains in me.
I have spent enough time
Buried in it,
Trying without success
To get out.
The sun has finally decided to shine
It has released by bonds.

It is now time
To rise and shine.
It is now time
To step up
And take my place under the sun.

It is time!

Walking through the sunshine

The eternal sunshine of a spotless mind


The world forgetting and by the world forgot,

I walk through the sun coz a care I have not.

There's a spring in my step

A song on my lips.

I am looking on to the road ahead.



The road beckons me

It's holding its arms open for me

I move forward to embrace it.

I cannot wait to sail the high seas

For there is nothing I keep back.



I set out free as a bird

Flying away to new lands

Home can will be any place I choose to stop

There is nothing I keep back



Flying through the skies

Soaring over the sea,

I saw you in a distance

And you saw me.



You passed me by

And I began to follow

You almost had me on a leash

Why? I cannot follow



You are the exotic

You pull me towards you

Why do you seem familiar?

Do I know you?

You pull me on

As if by an invisible leash.

I don't know why

But you have me.

It is the hows and whys that

I cannot figure out.

But I let them lie

For I am with you

And it matters not.

Good night my beloved

I say as I fall asleep.

In my dreams,

I see you again

But we've only just met.

You hold my hand

And take me into the journey.

This is the journey of my own life.

But how are you here?

Coz we've only just met.

You show me our past

Past which had both you and me.

When you and I were together

When I was so happy

Words were not enough to describe.

I confessed how much I loved you

But you were the free spirit.

You flew away leaving me bereft.

It hurt me inside

It hurt so bad

I couldn't even cry.

I decided to take you away from me

When I realised you had taken me away from you.

I tried to throw everything out

To remove all trace

To forget I even knew you.

Alas I failed!

You are not a part of me

You are me

Try as I might,

I cannot get away from me.

You are ingrained in me

So deep, I cannot even reach

The depths of my soul

You've taken me over completely.

I dont know why you left

I dont know why you didnt turn back.

It seems it was easy for you.

It is not so easy for me.

I hold on

I would not let go.

You are safe with me.

You will be with me

Even after you left.

It is beyond my control

But I wouldn't chain you for the world.

I hold on to my memories

Keeping them as my personal treasure.

Even though I let you go

May you stay happy forever.

Though I ask for one promise

If you meet me on a street,

Just greet me like a friend

It is all I need to make me happy

In the end.

P.S. This poem is written as an ode to the movie 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' and I am writing this as Joel Barish (protagnist).

It may seem a bit different from what happens in the movie. That's coz I saw it a while ago and I got around to writing this only now. Hence it turns more into my own interpretation rather than character speak.

Hope you like it!

The last glance

I am sitting at my desk
Looking at the world outside.
Life seems to go on without me,
I feel I am left behind.

I feel I am not a part of it anymore
It feels all alien to me.
I am not a part of it anymore

I am encased in a shell
A shell only you can break open.
But you are with me in it
And yet you are too far from me
Too far to hear the cry
That is yet to escape from my lips.

You, who heard me think
You, who thought like me
You, who were a part of me
As much as I was a part of you.

It is has been long since ....
You left.
But I am still holding on to you.
As yet I have never been able
To break the connection.
There is nothing to break,
Since you are me
And I you.

We are far apart
But I can never forget the last glance.
When I turned around to say goodbye
And you were standing there waving to me.
We proceeded to our separate journeys,
Not thinking how far apart they would take us.

I took you with me
And left myself with you.
In little beads of remembrance
I left myself with you.
In little beads of remembrance
I took you with me.

I keep mine safe
Locked away from prying eyes.
They are so precious
They are only mine.
People steal with their eyes.

You are so far away
Yet you know what goes on in my mind.
I am preparing for my journey
To join you where you are.

I must lock everything,
Leave everything in array.
A word to everyone
For they should know what is to be done.

One can go away from places
One can go away from people
But never can one
Go away from oneself.

I long for your arms
Which held me minutes before we parted.
I want to get back in that shelter
And never come out again.

I wish to come to you
I don't care how long the journey takes
Or how painful it is.
Just hope your arms wait for me
As I cannot wait for them.

Today as I shall
Close my eyes in my world.
I hope to open them in yours
And see the world through your eyes.

I am glad that the goodbye
Would not last forever.
For I shall be reunited with you soon
For ever and ever.

P.S. For those who are concerned about my sanity, I have not lost it. This poem is just an ode to the movie 'A Single Man'.
I have just put myself into the shoes of George Falconer (the protagonist, for those who have not seen the movie) and put words to his feelings with my own personal touch.

My fav cliches

I had done my last post on the biggest Hindi movie cliche of them all, the Hindi film heroine, the prettiest prop of them all!.





Here are some of my other fave cliches from both old and new movies ( I had posted some of them on Poonam Saxena's HT blog earlier but they are entirely my own!)





My favourite romantic/family cliches:


- Rich kid NEVER falls in love with fellow rich kid. They always find some ayah/ driver/mechanic's kid to fall in love with. Some socialists these guys!

- Heroines washed their hair everyday! No one was worried about hair fall or anything. That too first thing in the morning. Guess all of our heroines are very early risers and neat freaks

- Heroes are never the guy next door. They were always scholarship winners/awesome sportsmen/really popular guy for no apparent reason.

- Heroines, though the very model of moral values, always managed to get pregnant before marriage. They apparently had not heard of contraception.

- Heroines/ heroes always had a very snoopy and very bitchy aunt who would keep finding faults in them &/or tormenting them.

- Whenever heroine/hero was feeling sad or looking back at the mess they have made of their lives, they wear glasses, notwithstanding the fact that they can see perfectly clearly for miles in other parts of the film.

- Hero/ heroine had to lose one (or both) parents before 25. Usually before adulthood.

- I was cribbing about the career choices for women. Come to think of it, the men did not have much of an option too. They were either engineers/ doctors/ Policemen (favourite)/ mafia/ small time crooks/ physical labor. Does not seem like much of a selection to choose from.

- The hero n heroine just have to meet in a park in a slope where they can roll down like Jack n Jill at any time.

- The park was also good for PDA - in the guise of flowers of course!

- Gal had to have a negative IQ to be thought innocent and lovable. Any figment of ambition was highly discouraged. Even if the heroine was thoroughly brilliant, she was bound to the home by some stupid (often unnecessary) quirk of fate.

- Guy had to an equally low IQ to match. He was never able to figure out that he was being used by the villain in some way.

- And of course, the wonderful monsoon. Always reliable, it always showed up in time for hero-heroine to get wet together/ heroine to get wet n hero to stare followed by more botanical love scenes.

- Older men were never faithful to their wives. The father was always gone away to town to work/ play the fool/ hide after some crime he committed or dead. It was always up to the mother to raise the kids. What's more, the father often vanished without any money. So the mother (mostly uneducated) had to take up a job as a labourer/ kaamwali bai/ cleaner with her boss staring at her with all the wrong intentions.

Some courtroom cliches:

- How can anyone forget the Insaaf ki devi complete with her blindfold and scales?And more or less everyone, n I mean everyone had a law degree( inclusive of the blind maji) and have a license to argue in the court?

- Bad guy shooting the honest gavah/ hero’s dad/ honest masterji and running scot free. Finally in the climax getting shot by hero in the same court with same judge, same police wallah etc etc.

- Anyone can saunter in through the doors of the court and scream, “Thehro!!!”

- Hero sitting in the Judge sahib ki kursi in the climax, ‘Ab faisla main khud karunga’

- Hero ki maa running straight to judge’s desk and saying, 'mere bache par rehem khayiye, judge sahib, main aapke haath jodti hoon’

- Judge going, ‘Kya aap apni safai mein kuchh kehna chahte hain?’ (nothing to do with any cleanliness!)

- Lawyers saying, ‘mere fazil dostyeh bhool rahe hain ki…..”

- Hero gets to give one last kiss/ hug to herione before being wisked away to bees saal ki sazah.

- Lawyers were also masters of both Hindi and Urdu and loved to pepper their defence copiously with idioms, sayings etc but never quoted the Indian Constitution.

- Somehow, the only penal codes were 302 (murder) and 420 (trickery). The rest of the Constitution was just there to fill in pages.

- Hero/ heroine never takes help of a lawyer. They are more knowledgable about precedents, the Constitution of India, circumstantial evidence, forensics themselves than any black coated crow.

Some Doctor cliches:

- Doctor could run an instant pregnancy test by simply checking the heroine’s pulse.

- Heroine realises she’s pregnant only after she vomits in the teesra mahina.

-Humne bache ko to bacha liya par ma ko nahin bacha sake or vice versa after some deadly tragedy hits the pregnant woman.

- Doctor’s advice is perfectly orchestrated to backgorund music, moanful or happy as the case may be.

-They never seem to know of any blood banks, the dutiful parivaar ke log had to donate precious blood to the ailing fellow.

- T.B/ cancer were detected only in the terminal stage and the doctor would shake his head and say, “yeh chand dino ke mehman hain.”

- Cancer or T.B. spread faster than common cold in the movies.

- The only method of detection of aforementioned ailment was khoon in the khansi that too spat out on a white handkerchief.

- The patient always managed to spit out blood no matter what type of cancer they had. Well, I would give the benefit of doubt here. They never mentioned the type of cancer in any movie except Anand. Peculiarly, the most common type of cancer is Blood Cancer (again type not mentioned!)

- The nurse kept to take care of the aforementioned patient was always sleeping/ knitting/ yakking with nauker and forgot all about the dose timings. It always fell on the dear heroine to wake up in the middle of the night and say, “aapki dawah ka samay ho gaya”

- Blood was always donated Live. Both donor and receipient lying in adjoining cots in the same room.

- Monitors continuously beep if a patient is critical.

- Anyone can saunter into a ICU room wearing a white lab coat and poison the patient/ turn off the oxygen/ some critical machine.

Long list! Watch out, will get longer with time as i watch more and more movies!

Welcome to add stuff to the list