Walking through the sunshine

The eternal sunshine of a spotless mind


The world forgetting and by the world forgot,

I walk through the sun coz a care I have not.

There's a spring in my step

A song on my lips.

I am looking on to the road ahead.



The road beckons me

It's holding its arms open for me

I move forward to embrace it.

I cannot wait to sail the high seas

For there is nothing I keep back.



I set out free as a bird

Flying away to new lands

Home can will be any place I choose to stop

There is nothing I keep back



Flying through the skies

Soaring over the sea,

I saw you in a distance

And you saw me.



You passed me by

And I began to follow

You almost had me on a leash

Why? I cannot follow



You are the exotic

You pull me towards you

Why do you seem familiar?

Do I know you?

You pull me on

As if by an invisible leash.

I don't know why

But you have me.

It is the hows and whys that

I cannot figure out.

But I let them lie

For I am with you

And it matters not.

Good night my beloved

I say as I fall asleep.

In my dreams,

I see you again

But we've only just met.

You hold my hand

And take me into the journey.

This is the journey of my own life.

But how are you here?

Coz we've only just met.

You show me our past

Past which had both you and me.

When you and I were together

When I was so happy

Words were not enough to describe.

I confessed how much I loved you

But you were the free spirit.

You flew away leaving me bereft.

It hurt me inside

It hurt so bad

I couldn't even cry.

I decided to take you away from me

When I realised you had taken me away from you.

I tried to throw everything out

To remove all trace

To forget I even knew you.

Alas I failed!

You are not a part of me

You are me

Try as I might,

I cannot get away from me.

You are ingrained in me

So deep, I cannot even reach

The depths of my soul

You've taken me over completely.

I dont know why you left

I dont know why you didnt turn back.

It seems it was easy for you.

It is not so easy for me.

I hold on

I would not let go.

You are safe with me.

You will be with me

Even after you left.

It is beyond my control

But I wouldn't chain you for the world.

I hold on to my memories

Keeping them as my personal treasure.

Even though I let you go

May you stay happy forever.

Though I ask for one promise

If you meet me on a street,

Just greet me like a friend

It is all I need to make me happy

In the end.

P.S. This poem is written as an ode to the movie 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' and I am writing this as Joel Barish (protagnist).

It may seem a bit different from what happens in the movie. That's coz I saw it a while ago and I got around to writing this only now. Hence it turns more into my own interpretation rather than character speak.

Hope you like it!

The last glance

I am sitting at my desk
Looking at the world outside.
Life seems to go on without me,
I feel I am left behind.

I feel I am not a part of it anymore
It feels all alien to me.
I am not a part of it anymore

I am encased in a shell
A shell only you can break open.
But you are with me in it
And yet you are too far from me
Too far to hear the cry
That is yet to escape from my lips.

You, who heard me think
You, who thought like me
You, who were a part of me
As much as I was a part of you.

It is has been long since ....
You left.
But I am still holding on to you.
As yet I have never been able
To break the connection.
There is nothing to break,
Since you are me
And I you.

We are far apart
But I can never forget the last glance.
When I turned around to say goodbye
And you were standing there waving to me.
We proceeded to our separate journeys,
Not thinking how far apart they would take us.

I took you with me
And left myself with you.
In little beads of remembrance
I left myself with you.
In little beads of remembrance
I took you with me.

I keep mine safe
Locked away from prying eyes.
They are so precious
They are only mine.
People steal with their eyes.

You are so far away
Yet you know what goes on in my mind.
I am preparing for my journey
To join you where you are.

I must lock everything,
Leave everything in array.
A word to everyone
For they should know what is to be done.

One can go away from places
One can go away from people
But never can one
Go away from oneself.

I long for your arms
Which held me minutes before we parted.
I want to get back in that shelter
And never come out again.

I wish to come to you
I don't care how long the journey takes
Or how painful it is.
Just hope your arms wait for me
As I cannot wait for them.

Today as I shall
Close my eyes in my world.
I hope to open them in yours
And see the world through your eyes.

I am glad that the goodbye
Would not last forever.
For I shall be reunited with you soon
For ever and ever.

P.S. For those who are concerned about my sanity, I have not lost it. This poem is just an ode to the movie 'A Single Man'.
I have just put myself into the shoes of George Falconer (the protagonist, for those who have not seen the movie) and put words to his feelings with my own personal touch.

My fav cliches

I had done my last post on the biggest Hindi movie cliche of them all, the Hindi film heroine, the prettiest prop of them all!.





Here are some of my other fave cliches from both old and new movies ( I had posted some of them on Poonam Saxena's HT blog earlier but they are entirely my own!)





My favourite romantic/family cliches:


- Rich kid NEVER falls in love with fellow rich kid. They always find some ayah/ driver/mechanic's kid to fall in love with. Some socialists these guys!

- Heroines washed their hair everyday! No one was worried about hair fall or anything. That too first thing in the morning. Guess all of our heroines are very early risers and neat freaks

- Heroes are never the guy next door. They were always scholarship winners/awesome sportsmen/really popular guy for no apparent reason.

- Heroines, though the very model of moral values, always managed to get pregnant before marriage. They apparently had not heard of contraception.

- Heroines/ heroes always had a very snoopy and very bitchy aunt who would keep finding faults in them &/or tormenting them.

- Whenever heroine/hero was feeling sad or looking back at the mess they have made of their lives, they wear glasses, notwithstanding the fact that they can see perfectly clearly for miles in other parts of the film.

- Hero/ heroine had to lose one (or both) parents before 25. Usually before adulthood.

- I was cribbing about the career choices for women. Come to think of it, the men did not have much of an option too. They were either engineers/ doctors/ Policemen (favourite)/ mafia/ small time crooks/ physical labor. Does not seem like much of a selection to choose from.

- The hero n heroine just have to meet in a park in a slope where they can roll down like Jack n Jill at any time.

- The park was also good for PDA - in the guise of flowers of course!

- Gal had to have a negative IQ to be thought innocent and lovable. Any figment of ambition was highly discouraged. Even if the heroine was thoroughly brilliant, she was bound to the home by some stupid (often unnecessary) quirk of fate.

- Guy had to an equally low IQ to match. He was never able to figure out that he was being used by the villain in some way.

- And of course, the wonderful monsoon. Always reliable, it always showed up in time for hero-heroine to get wet together/ heroine to get wet n hero to stare followed by more botanical love scenes.

- Older men were never faithful to their wives. The father was always gone away to town to work/ play the fool/ hide after some crime he committed or dead. It was always up to the mother to raise the kids. What's more, the father often vanished without any money. So the mother (mostly uneducated) had to take up a job as a labourer/ kaamwali bai/ cleaner with her boss staring at her with all the wrong intentions.

Some courtroom cliches:

- How can anyone forget the Insaaf ki devi complete with her blindfold and scales?And more or less everyone, n I mean everyone had a law degree( inclusive of the blind maji) and have a license to argue in the court?

- Bad guy shooting the honest gavah/ hero’s dad/ honest masterji and running scot free. Finally in the climax getting shot by hero in the same court with same judge, same police wallah etc etc.

- Anyone can saunter in through the doors of the court and scream, “Thehro!!!”

- Hero sitting in the Judge sahib ki kursi in the climax, ‘Ab faisla main khud karunga’

- Hero ki maa running straight to judge’s desk and saying, 'mere bache par rehem khayiye, judge sahib, main aapke haath jodti hoon’

- Judge going, ‘Kya aap apni safai mein kuchh kehna chahte hain?’ (nothing to do with any cleanliness!)

- Lawyers saying, ‘mere fazil dostyeh bhool rahe hain ki…..”

- Hero gets to give one last kiss/ hug to herione before being wisked away to bees saal ki sazah.

- Lawyers were also masters of both Hindi and Urdu and loved to pepper their defence copiously with idioms, sayings etc but never quoted the Indian Constitution.

- Somehow, the only penal codes were 302 (murder) and 420 (trickery). The rest of the Constitution was just there to fill in pages.

- Hero/ heroine never takes help of a lawyer. They are more knowledgable about precedents, the Constitution of India, circumstantial evidence, forensics themselves than any black coated crow.

Some Doctor cliches:

- Doctor could run an instant pregnancy test by simply checking the heroine’s pulse.

- Heroine realises she’s pregnant only after she vomits in the teesra mahina.

-Humne bache ko to bacha liya par ma ko nahin bacha sake or vice versa after some deadly tragedy hits the pregnant woman.

- Doctor’s advice is perfectly orchestrated to backgorund music, moanful or happy as the case may be.

-They never seem to know of any blood banks, the dutiful parivaar ke log had to donate precious blood to the ailing fellow.

- T.B/ cancer were detected only in the terminal stage and the doctor would shake his head and say, “yeh chand dino ke mehman hain.”

- Cancer or T.B. spread faster than common cold in the movies.

- The only method of detection of aforementioned ailment was khoon in the khansi that too spat out on a white handkerchief.

- The patient always managed to spit out blood no matter what type of cancer they had. Well, I would give the benefit of doubt here. They never mentioned the type of cancer in any movie except Anand. Peculiarly, the most common type of cancer is Blood Cancer (again type not mentioned!)

- The nurse kept to take care of the aforementioned patient was always sleeping/ knitting/ yakking with nauker and forgot all about the dose timings. It always fell on the dear heroine to wake up in the middle of the night and say, “aapki dawah ka samay ho gaya”

- Blood was always donated Live. Both donor and receipient lying in adjoining cots in the same room.

- Monitors continuously beep if a patient is critical.

- Anyone can saunter into a ICU room wearing a white lab coat and poison the patient/ turn off the oxygen/ some critical machine.

Long list! Watch out, will get longer with time as i watch more and more movies!

Welcome to add stuff to the list

I hate Luv Storys

Didn't think I'd find myself saying it but there you have it, I hate love stories!

Me the eternal rom com lover, thunder strike, lightening please! ;)


Anyhow, I have my reasons for this. It is the portrayal of the gal in these movies that I hate, from the bottom of my heart. Was watching DDLJ the other day, Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge for those not clued in.

Pretty much all Kajol does is just romp about pining for her 'unknown' lover. Same goes for Madhuri Dixit in Dil to Pagal Hai. Only difference between the two is that one dances about in London whilst the other is gallivanting around in Mumbai.


Never seen Hindi movie leading ladies follow any profession whatsoever. Ok, I concede that the yesteryear ladies atleast worked for a living (atleast some of them). Cases in point: Neetu Singh in Amar Akbar Anthony- doctor, Vidya Sinha in Chhoti Si Baat-works in an office, and of course, Suchitra Sen as the politician in Aandhi. Atleast the moms had the some sort of vocation. Who can forget Nirupa Roy as a labourer, tailor etc (also always sick, this woman was seriously immunodeficient).



But among the current movies, mostly the gals are just bimbos and do nothing except roam around in beautiful clothes, sing songs, fall in love and of course, get into trouble for the hero to save. There are of course notable exceptions (Deepika Padukone in most of her movies) but for the most part they are doing nothing more by way of a profession. Even the proverbial de-glam movies like Kaminey showed no specific profession for its leading lady Priyanka.

The maximum career choices that a girl can make according to Hindi movies is showbiz (model/actress/singer), social worker (or a police officer), healthcare (doctor/nurse) or in the rarest of rare cases, journalism (you have to be the daring, loose moraled gal if you want this!).

Only rare mentions can be found of the girl being an executive, never of a woman engineer, or a woman scientist. Heaven forbid if she chooses to become a banker or worse, a pilot!

It is always a woman who is hardly seen at work and must spend most of her time in the confines of home and hearth. Quite contrary to real life in urban areas where most woman work in some way or the other. This does not even hold true for the rural society where women often supplement the household income by working in small cottage industries.

The common Indian psyche is influenced in a big way by movies. According to the film makers, the films are reflective of society. Never believed that lie! The Hindi movies still manage to cast a shadow of doubt on any woman who works hard and has capabilities beyond those of the kitchen.

Me talking to me

I made myself a promise a year ago that I will take more time to be with myself more.


I can't say I fulfilled this promise completely but yes, I did make an effort. I do take time to record my feelings, read them over taking time to laugh, cry or experience all those emotions all over again. Sickness that happened 8 months ago, fun had over the last few weeks, conversations that were little more than castles in the air; I was glad to go over them again, glad to feel that I have someone to stand by me, that I'm there for me.



I may be separated from all loved ones by half the earth but the umbilical cord is still attached. I am still connected in a way so intimate that I cannot see myself as a separate entity from that world. The physical truth, however, remains that I am no longer in that sheltered surrounding. That I have begun a life that requires me to get away from where I was born, where I existed, where there is a hint of me in every nook and cranny, where I still reside subconsciously.



But I have found in this new world, a new best friend, me. I am now taking care of me, making sure I finish my work on time, I eat properly and scolding me if I dont stick to what I planned. It feels nice since now I don't need a chaperone all the time.

It is a new feeling, a feeling of being born again. It is a feeling unknown to me before this but it is one of the best ones I've ever had. It is kind of like waking up to a new aroma, somewhat like the transformation in Karthik of Karthik Calling Karthik. Only here, the transformation is taking place on a conscious level rather than on a subconscious (or schizophreniac) level.

Hope it only goes forward from here. Amen!

Looking outside the window

I was just sitting there looking outside my window, to see the beautiful white morning.



Beautiful but cold. It looked picture perfect from inside the glass, one you could save and put up as your wallpaper on the screen. It is only when you got outside that you realised the extent of the cold. The cold that hits you like a slap.



Seems quite like the world outside. You are yearning to go out into the world as a kid, yearning for the day they would become adults, when they would be allowed to do whatever they please. But when they enter into the real world, it hits them (us) hard, really hard.




There was a quote that said, 'Destiny had a sense of humour'. Truely agree with it. At the moment, I think of the boy from The Alchemist, who goes all the way to the pyramids in Egypt to look for his destiny, his treasure but realises after going through all that trouble that hs treasure was buried right in his backyard. He went through a lot of hardship to get to his treasure, he sold his sheep, moved to a new country, learned a new alien language, got robbed thrice, travelled into the desert in the middle of a war and almost lost his life to thieves. It was only when he reached the pyramids, got tired of digging that God told him that his true treasure lay where he had been before he started on this journey. "Then why did you send me here?", he asked God. He said, " Because I wanted you to see the Pyramids. Aren't they beautiful?"



Its weird talking about Destiny's sense of humor.... stuff that you took as pre ordained, in the end turned out to be a note from hell. But it is up to one to laugh and to move on. A lot of tension stems from the fact that even though Destiny served us with a joke, we forgot to laugh but instead took it as an offence, bristling on about how 'it just had to happen to me!' or the more common, 'why me?????'



People may think of me as an idiot for saying this but it really is always easier to laugh and move on. Even if you are stuck with something, just disconnect yourself from it emotionally and just look at the scenario as it were playing in the form of a movie.

The world is not a bed of roses, nor is it a bed of thorns.

Taking both in my stride, I am going to move on....

Life's a journey and I wanna go far,

Keeping the door ajar

So I may come back home the day I want.

I wanna see the world

But come back home at the end of the day.

I don't want to live my life travelling the high seas.

Taking Destiny's joke in my stride

I would want to laugh and move on.

Hope life gives me a chance and my life goes on......