Men Say YES

‘Men say no’ was the theme that was assigned to this blogathon.

I disagree! I will write about Men saying YES. Hold your horses, people; I don’t want anyone to say yes to domestic violence or anything of that sort. Confused? Read on.

In many households, whether urban or rural, women work. This work may be a necessity to earn their living, to supplement the household income or a choice to fill up their free time, a hobby or a passion that they wish to pursue outside the boundaries of the kitchen. Whatever the reason, many women work and are largely financially independent. They have a professional and social standing apart from being Mrs. So-n-so. Despite this social standing, however, there is one significant thing that is lacking: acceptance of this standing by their own husbands, in-laws, sometimes even their own families.

So what it boils down to is this: women not only face the proverbial glass ceiling at work, they also have to fight for acceptance by their own family. Many of these women, despite contributing to the family income, have little or no call in making financial decisions like investments or big purchases. Many of these women did not own a credit card until recently. Their technology too was usually ‘hand-me-down’ things from husbands or kids. It customarily is not the woman of the house that makes the final call in times of social or financial crises. And heaven forbid if the woman started to earn more than the man!!! What an injustice! A travesty! A reversal of the laws of Nature! “Thunderstrike and lightening please!”

Looking at the arranged marriage ‘market’, girls who are teachers or work ‘non-demanding’ jobs are highly sought after. The reason is simple. These girls can work, contribute to the family income but can still be relied upon to take care of the home n hearth. So in short, these girls represent the ‘best of both worlds’- independent enough but still connected by an umbilical cord to the home.

We as a country don’t take our working women seriously. We think of our women as cheap labour, not only paid less for the same amount of work but also not given credit where and when it is due.

Since cinema is a mirror of society, I will pull out two cases from the huge hit ‘Chak De India!’. The cases of captain Vidya Sharma and centre forward Preeti Sabharwal.

Vidya is not only the goalkeeper for the Indian Railways team; she has also been provided a government flat and a cushy job. She lands a place in the Indian National team as goalkeeper and later as captain, on her way to lead the Indian National team at the World Cup. Her in-laws and husband, however, remain unimpressed and are more concerned with her being able to fulfill her role as a dutiful daughter-in-law rather than her form and practice for the World Cup. Notwithstanding Vidya’s merits, they are almost ready to break off the marriage if she does not show up in time for a distant relative’s wedding. Clearly, household duties must take precedence over work and duty to the nation!

Preeti Sabharwal is the captain of the Chandigarh state team, plays centre forward (a very significant position, for those not clued in) for the Indian National Hockey Team and plays very well I might add. She is from a more urban setting with her parents obviously being well off. She is engaged to the Vice Captain of the Indian Cricket team. Still, to him, it is of no consequence that Preeti is ready to go to the World Cup. For him, their wedding is more important. He does not see the significance of Preeti’s job or her passion for it at any time. According to him, her ‘true’ destiny lies in becoming his wife! Her own identity is secondary.

Both cases are fictional, coming from a movie. But that does not in any way undermine the sad truth that lurks behind both of them. Women, no matter how successful or accomplished, are somehow programmed to sacrifice their careers and ambitions for the sake of their husband’s career or ego or both. Another important point highlighted from the cases is that this mindset is not of the illiterate, less educated, lower middle class or upper middle class. It spans society as a whole, cutting across the class or education barriers.

These, of course, are big important scenarios. Talking about simple things like driving on the road. Being a woman driver on a Delhi road makes the harrowing experience all the more taxing. The men simple adore playing truant around a woman driver. They just have to overtake from the wrong side, just have to pass comments, and just have to show her that she does not belong in the driver’s seat.

So while the men are not physically hurting the women in these scenarios, and there are no scars, beatings or bruises involved, the hurt is deeper and transcends generations. Male children are ingrained with the philosophy that they hold a more significant place in society than their sisters, that their arrival in the world is a greater cause for celebration than their sisters’ was.

It is now time for the men to break the mindset and accept that they are in no way the superior sex. They are a half of God’s best creation. The other half is equally important. It is only when the halves stand together that they make up the whole. In this blog, I am not arguing as a feminist or a chauvinist. I have no time for any of the ‘ists’ of the world. I only believe in the human race. I only believe in ‘humanists’. I plead the sanctity of the human race as a whole. And it is this that I want people to consider.

So then I ask the men to step up and say YES.

YES to equal pay for equal work

YES to empowered women

YES to sharing household responsibilities equally

YES to women drivers, engineers, pilots and bankers or any other careers for that matter

YES to learning some sportsman spirit and giving up this game of one-upmanship that is being played continuously

So let’s get the men to man up and accept that their masculinity is not threatened by a capable and intelligent woman. Let the men say YES to marriage as a symbiotic relationship and not a parasitic one.

This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women.

More entries to the Blogathon can be read at www.mustbol.in/blogathon. Join further conversation on facebook.com/delhiyouth & twitter.com/mustbol